Why God Feels Distant: It's Not Your Fault

(How our prior programming affects our felt-sense of God.)

By Jim Robbins

“To a person, I’ve seen my clients’ emotional and relational struggles with parents, family members, and communities play out in their relationship with God.”
— Dr. Todd W. Hall, "The Connected Life"

No one moved; and it’s not your fault.

The trite little phrase, “If God seems far away, guess who moved?” has pushed more people away from God than closer to him. And, it’s bad theology, as we’ll see.

Though it is technically possible for us to “willfully” walk away from God, perceived distance is often not our fault. Many times, unhealed attachment pain is the culprit.


attachment pain affects our felt-sense of God

Attachment pain happens when a person’s parents, and even other significant relationships along the way, couldn’t or wouldn’t provide the relational security the person needed. A sense of healthy, safe connection was lost or injured. When this happens, a person develops implicit (gut-level) scripts that run in the background (usually out of their awareness) until those scripts are healed. These scripts are “default settings.” If the attachment pain isn’t healed, even how a person experiences God will be colored by these scripts.

Part of the problem is that we tend to view connection with God in terms of distance: If God feels close, then he must be close. If God feels far away, then he must be far away. And the blame for that perceived distance will typically fall on us. This misguided blame leads us away from the true problem—distorted attachment scripts driven by hidden relational programming.


Prior programming affects closeness.

The real problem isn’t distance; no one has moved. Rather, your relational “sonar” took a hit (even many hits) and you can’t distinguish God’s faithful presence like you want to.

Resources for healing