Why discernment is about empathy.

Empathy is the path from the heart to the eye. We see better; our perception improves. We discern through empathy.

Empathy lifts burdens and offers an easier yoke. Why? Because problems involve people who want to be seen, heard and understood. We can either push people towards an outcome, or move them forward by attuning to them. By feeling with them, we lead rather than push.

When we miss empathy

  • Hospitals with a labyrinth of icy grey corridors and antiseptic smells miss the role of empathy.

  • Parents who get the win, and lose the child, miss the role of empathy.

  • Ministries that empathize content without connection miss the role of empathy.

Empathy even drives connection with God: We feel with our people so that they can feel God.

Jesus is “Empathy Made Flesh.”

We might rephrase Jesus’ statement, “We love because he first loved us” to read, “We understand because he first understood us.” He is good at reading us. Sensing what we need. His incarnation is all about creating resonance with people: “I am binding myself to your experience,” he says. Jesus is “Empathy Made Flesh.”


Connect using an “Empathy Map.”

from Gamestorming; by Gray, Brown and Macanufo

How to create an Empathy Map

Here’s a technique called, The Empathy Map. It helps you understand the person or people you want to connect with. This exercise comes from the book, Gamestorming, by Gray, Brown, and Macanufo. Here’s how creating an Empathy Map works:

  1. Draw a large face on paper or a whiteboard.

  2. Give your person a name.

  3. Around the face, like spokes of a wheel, write the following questions:

What are they experiencing?

  • Emotions?

  • Pains, losses?

  • Motivations?

  • What problem are they trying to solve?

  • What are their five senses telling them?

Fill in your answers around the face on your Empathy Map.

“The God Who Sees Me”

Your recipient is longing for the God who sees them. Now you have a more accurate picture of the typical person you want to connect with. You have an empathy map you can use to make them feel seen, heard and understood. By using empathy to discern, you just got a glimpse of how Jesus attunes to that person.

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